New York on my Mind

Sometimes, the best thing to wake you up is to have a philosophical discussion at 9am on a Saturday morning. I got a call this morning from one of my very good friends. Among the other things we talked about, she brought up the point of how so many people in the city are lonely.

I've heard this sentiment echoed by other people before, but I never gave it much thought. It wasn't until this morning that I realized how true it is. Despite the fact that there are eight million people in Manhattan, I find that it's actually incredibly difficult to really get to know people. Sure, you meet people all of the time, but I've noticed that the fast-paced nature of the city almost undermines any attempt at fully getting to know people. Getting to know people takes time, time that most people just aren't willing to spend because there are just so many other things to do.

Instead of getting to know people, we (I say we because after five years, I can't help but be part of this culture) go through motions that make it seem like are. The lewd stares and cat calls up and down the street instead of cheerful hellos. The attempts at conversations on the subways/at the gym/in bars and clubs that get shrugged off by the disenchanted. The addiction to the one night stand.

There's also the pressure to socialize and surround yourself with people, which seems to only exacerbate the loneliness. Not only are people expected to spend their time patrolling the city's nightlife, there's often the obligation to be the social glue and host events. I don't mean to sound like I dread going out because that's certainly not true; I actually really enjoy experiencing new things and meeting new people. But I think that's also why I fall victim to thinking that it's necessary to go out all of the time if you don't want to get mistaken for a hermit. The excuse "I just want to sit at home and have a quiet night by myself" is never a valid one. Instead, to avoid a social engagement, the only excuse that'll work is "I have several other engagements that I'm obligated to attend. I feel really bad about missing yours."

My friend also mentioned that no one comes to the city for the sake of being in the city. There's always some other goal in mind. Whether it's to party all night or to make a fast buck doesn't really matter. I think that's a valid point. I came to the city for the job opportunities. But I don't see myself living in New York forever. I just don't think I can keep up with it. But at the same time, I miss the city when I'm away. I think there's something there that keeps drawing more and more people in. People are willing to try to forget their sense of loneliness in exchange for whatever it is that the city has to offer. As for me, I've developed my own ways of coping and surviving in the city. I've noticed that once you're comfortable with being by yourself, the loneliness fades.